You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
