Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
