did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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