In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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