I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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