I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
