she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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