so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
