just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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