Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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