Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
This is not my ceiling
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
