There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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