when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Ketchup is God's man juice
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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