i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
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We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
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I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize