You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
