Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
