Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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