Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
