Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
