Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
