So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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