Don't EVER smell your tampon
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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