My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
