Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
