Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
