Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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