if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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