The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
