I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
