They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
