Michael Bay diarrhea
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize