Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
