I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
