did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
