sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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