Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
True strength comes from lack of pants
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
