I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.