So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup