i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..