What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.