R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
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why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
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I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic