he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
