Betty ford says i'm here all night
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
