U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
