marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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