I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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