i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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