I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
