3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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