you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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