OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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