i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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