I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
