dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
