Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Holy shit dude........stairs
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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