ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I take back everything I said about communal showers
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.