dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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