and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus