your thong is hanging out like whoa
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
