Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
