When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.