I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
