Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
