Ambien. No doubt about it.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
