she was so not down for the gang bang
I just saw a hot homeless man
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
