i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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