In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
