Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
