During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
