Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
